Choosing to Die

In any garden there has to be death before there can be life.  A seed, in itself, is not a living thing.  From its state of death it wakes up and grows into something beyond itself.  Old tomatoes, banana peels, caps from strawberries, and the lettuce gone brown decompose to become the nutrients to help a new plant flourish.  Without death there isn't life.

The same is true for my kiddos.  I have recently realized that the more I "die," the richer I make the soil in which they grow.  It is H-A-R-D for me.  Children, playing with toys, relationships and conversations all day long--all of these things are so very beyond any comfort zone I've ever had.  Give me a computer, a stack of papers, and a calculator.  That is where I feel normal, feel competent, feel rejuvenated.  Alone in a house with three small children?  H-A-R-D.  It is so much easier for me to retreat into a set of tasks than to respond to the calls from the toy room to play.  But, where there is death, the soil is fertile.  When I do the hard thing and put aside my desire for what is best for my kiddos, that is where they thrive.

Isn't that what I want?  Kids that are healthy and happy and a blessing to those around them?  When I stop to think about it, the answer is yes!  Of course I do!  That's my job as a mother!  But during the day, I don't stop to think about it. (Some days I don't really have time to stop to use the bathroom!)  During most days I think about how I need to get the dishes into the dishwasher so that we will have clean forks for dinner.  I know that if I don't do it right now, I will get interrupted 15 times before I get back to the dishwasher, which will be 5 minutes before we have to eat dinner.  I'm sure I'm the only one, right?!

Choices.  We all know that life is the sum total of all the choices that we make.  And I'm choosing to die--to let projects go unfinished, to find the pause button for life dreams, to play Thomas instead of checking email, to do craft time instead of making phone calls.  Wow.  This is hard stuff.  But they are worth it!

Our resident artist.

Is there a better place than a playground for a four year old boy?

Thomas.  Enough said.

What do you do to get balance in your week?  What safeguards do you have in your day in order to focus on relationships while also making sure there is food to eat and clean clothes to wear?